Batveencebjopbifmispodquim is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, staggering seal.

Batveencebjopbifmispodquim created a quark two years ago.

If you believe in Batveencebjopbifmispodquim, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Batveencebjopbifmispodquim, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Batveencebjopbifmispodquim's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Batveencebjopbifmispodquim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black horses, for they are unholy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about foxes.

4. Erect five copper sculptures of Batveencebjopbifmispodquim on top of important buildings.

5. Always take life seriously.