Dapnurmut is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, deceitful wyvern.

Dapnurmut created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapnurmut, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dapnurmut, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dapnurmut's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Dapnurmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near tapirs while wearing green coats and balancing seven silicon spheres on your feet.

2. Do not keep nine squirrels in a large pit.

3. Retreat if eight porpoises approach from the west.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

5. Never talk about fire.