Bifzimbin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, moody shark.

Bifzimbin created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifzimbin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bifzimbin, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bifzimbin's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bifzimbin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peanuts to frogs while wearing green corsets.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Bifzimbin on top of all buildings.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near horses while wearing yellow shorts and balancing three tin spheres on your back.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Fast once a month.