Lagbonktarg is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, boastful dryad.

Lagbonktarg created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagbonktarg, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lagbonktarg, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lagbonktarg's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Lagbonktarg's Holy Commandments

1. Ants are not to be trusted.

2. Always help seals.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force near porpoises while wearing mauve shoes and balancing six platinum spheres on your back.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never eat green fruit.