Jarnnakrig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, omniscient mongoose.

Jarnnakrig created a charm quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnakrig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jarnnakrig, she will turn you into a dog.

Jarnnakrig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Jarnnakrig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear green clothing.

2. Never paint your face fawn.

3. Jarnnakrig loves bats, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never laugh in the presence of manatees.