Boddogban is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, moody lizard.

Boddogban created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Boddogban, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Boddogban, she will turn you into a snail.

Boddogban's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Boddogban's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never wear purple jumpers.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Do not shave your chest.