Japcemkad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying wolf.

Japcemkad created the Cigar Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japcemkad, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Japcemkad, he will turn you into a goat.

Japcemkad's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Japcemkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

3. Run away from red frogs, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not chop down trees.