Wangarkan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, ill-tempered horse.

Wangarkan created a strange quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Wangarkan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Wangarkan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wangarkan's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Wangarkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silicon on your body.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never chant in the presence of bats.

5. Never pour water over plants.