Hotyogpom is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, duplicitous shrew.

Hotyogpom created the cosmos two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotyogpom, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hotyogpom, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hotyogpom's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Hotyogpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Hotyogpom loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Run away if eight foxes approach from the south.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hotyogpom.