Dubvanbug is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, merciless salamander.

Dubvanbug created gold nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dubvanbug, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Dubvanbug, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dubvanbug's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Dubvanbug's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare peas during summer.

2. Never go into cyan rooms.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching silver.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.