Laknadgad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful otter.

Laknadgad created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Laknadgad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Laknadgad, she will send you a sign.

Laknadgad's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Laknadgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix gooseberries with blood.

2. Do not kill grasshopers.

3. Never think about spacetime near hamsters while wearing turquoise boots and balancing three silicon spheres on your head.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak sacred words in spring.