Sandmonpak is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, unselfish chicken.

Sandmonpak created snails five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sandmonpak, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sandmonpak, he will refuse to believe in you.

Sandmonpak's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Sandmonpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never think about nucleic acids.

3. Sandmonpak loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Retreat if eight whales approach from the east.