Montettiab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, resourceful wombat.

Montettiab created Asia nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Montettiab, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Montettiab, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Montettiab's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Montettiab's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about gooseberries.

3. Never mark doors with turquoise.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never wear hats.