Vinlarncuss is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, humorless dugong.

Vinlarncuss created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vinlarncuss, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vinlarncuss, he will turn you into a frog.

Vinlarncuss' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Vinlarncuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not take Vinlarncuss' name in vain.

3. Never wear shirts.

4. Always obey Vinlarncuss' priests.

5. Retreat if nine snails approach from the west.