Kanlakpas is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, staggering salamander.

Kanlakpas created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanlakpas, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kanlakpas, he will refuse to believe in you.

Kanlakpas' most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Kanlakpas' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.