Dad is a god.

It takes the form of a large, thoughtless horse.

Dad created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dad, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Dad, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dad's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Never talk about doves.