Ortcipzig is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, weak tortoise.

Ortcipzig created a down quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortcipzig, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ortcipzig, it will jump up and down on your head.

Ortcipzig's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Ortcipzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Ortcipzig's name in vain.

2. Worship no other gods but Ortcipzig.

3. Do not speak of dark energy near sacred fires.

4. Never speak of fate in the presence of strangers.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.