Ortxenyim is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unselfish mongoose.

Ortxenyim created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortxenyim, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ortxenyim, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ortxenyim's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Ortxenyim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight moths approach from the south.

2. Always obey Ortxenyim's priests.

3. Never whisper while facing east.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never feed figs to shrews while wearing black shirts.