Bessdutwad is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, witless hamster.

Bessdutwad created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessdutwad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bessdutwad, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bessdutwad's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bessdutwad's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bessdutwad.

4. Never feed oranges to bats while wearing cyan corsets.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.