Cipfenfum is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, generous gerbil.

Cipfenfum created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cipfenfum, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cipfenfum, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Cipfenfum's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Cipfenfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always help goats.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never eat turnips.