Mitontkop Cutflanpom is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent troll.

Mitontkop Cutflanpom created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mitontkop Cutflanpom, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Mitontkop Cutflanpom, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Mitontkop Cutflanpom's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Mitontkop Cutflanpom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo voles for they are unholy.

2. Never feed cherries to aardvarks while wearing violet dresses.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Run away if three rats approach from the south.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near squirrels while wearing white kilts and balancing six platinum spheres on your chest.