Bopzakham is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, capable guinea pig.

Bopzakham created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bopzakham, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bopzakham, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bopzakham's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bopzakham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during winter.

2. Never talk about snails.

3. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Always wear mauve.