Femstikkip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, selfish jaguar.

Femstikkip created the planet Earth nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Femstikkip, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Femstikkip, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Femstikkip's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Femstikkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Femstikkip loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Femstikkip in the centre of the settlement.