Tapmutfem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, strong parrot.

Tapmutfem created an up quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapmutfem, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tapmutfem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tapmutfem's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Tapmutfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Do not hurt gulls.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.