Xenpitrag is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, generous warg.

Xenpitrag created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xenpitrag, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xenpitrag, he will turn you into a dog.

Xenpitrag's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Xenpitrag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not keep three cats in a large pit.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Never feed lots of strawberries to grasshopers while wearing mauve corsets.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.