Bepominlat Fotqueegduss is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, moody alligator.

Bepominlat Fotqueegduss created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepominlat Fotqueegduss, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bepominlat Fotqueegduss, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bepominlat Fotqueegduss' most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bepominlat Fotqueegduss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near turtles while wearing white trousers and balancing seven titanium spheres on your feet.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not name children after geese.

5. Pray towards the north.