Ditwikstig is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, contented cow.

Ditwikstig created everything that exists nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ditwikstig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ditwikstig, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Ditwikstig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Ditwikstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Never feed carrots to hamsters while wearing coats.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. You must love Ditwikstig.

5. Never think about moons.