Pitcum Parkfunzig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, idiotic yak.

Pitcum Parkfunzig created the Sombrero Galaxy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pitcum Parkfunzig, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pitcum Parkfunzig, she will destroy your home planet.

Pitcum Parkfunzig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Pitcum Parkfunzig's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not keep nine ducks in a large pit.

5. Never think about moons.