Podtargham is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, all-powerful gnu.

Podtargham created gold two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Podtargham, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Podtargham, he will manifest in front of you.

Podtargham's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Podtargham's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn horses for they are unholy.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Feed all hungry doves.