Madmonjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, unthinking dog.

Madmonjarn created tapeworms six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Madmonjarn, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Madmonjarn, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Madmonjarn's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Madmonjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow gulls to witness sacred rites.

2. Never allow swans to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. You must love Madmonjarn.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.