Zakquafbiffem is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, effective dugong.

Zakquafbiffem created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zakquafbiffem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zakquafbiffem, it will be very unhappy.

Zakquafbiffem's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Zakquafbiffem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.