Cadtabtif is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, ruthless crocodile.

Cadtabtif created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadtabtif, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cadtabtif, it will be very unhappy.

Cadtabtif's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Cadtabtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

4. Never think about optics near porpoises while wearing black tights and balancing six copper spheres on your neck.

5. Never eat oranges.