Toflakjab is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, loving octopus.

Toflakjab created light two million years ago.

If you believe in Toflakjab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Toflakjab, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Toflakjab's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Toflakjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat snakes with great respect.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never leap in holy places.

4. Never wear gray stockings.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near birds while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing six platinum spheres on your back.