Buttenxucquim is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-knowing gerbil.

Buttenxucquim created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Buttenxucquim, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Buttenxucquim, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Buttenxucquim's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Buttenxucquim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Do not speak about grapes.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always help badgers.