Gessterfag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-confident clam.

Gessterfag created light three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessterfag, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gessterfag, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gessterfag's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Gessterfag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black seals, for they are unholy.

2. Do not kill ants.

3. Hide from pink swans for they are unholy.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to sheep while wearing gray stockings.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.