Tabstafyak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, all-knowing mole.

Tabstafyak created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tabstafyak, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tabstafyak, he will turn you into a rock.

Tabstafyak's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tabstafyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured whales.

2. Never talk about special relativity near bats while wearing mauve boots.

3. Do not keep five monkeys in a large pit.

4. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

5. You must love Tabstafyak.