Tonkarnfutgep is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, smart giraffe.

Tonkarnfutgep created an up quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkarnfutgep, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tonkarnfutgep, she will remove you from existence.

Tonkarnfutgep's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tonkarnfutgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured snails.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

3. Never handle carbon while unclean.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.