Artventonk is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, tiresome hyena.

Artventonk created time and space six million years ago.

If you believe in Artventonk, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Artventonk, she will think nothing of it.

Artventonk's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Artventonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt frogs.

2. Never talk about nucleic acids.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Artventonk must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.