Tiplakbedkad is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, blissful walrus.

Tiplakbedkad created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiplakbedkad, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tiplakbedkad, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tiplakbedkad's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Tiplakbedkad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about ultrasonics.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.