Quatkoprip is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, competent crab.

Quatkoprip created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatkoprip, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quatkoprip, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quatkoprip's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Quatkoprip's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not eat oranges.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near tapirs while wearing violet jumpers and balancing eight lead spheres on your feet.

4. Do not dye your hair pink.

5. Never think about optics near nematodes while wearing fawn ear rings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.