Zag is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unselfish gorilla.

Zag created dark energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zag, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zag's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Zag's Holy Commandments

1. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Never wear dresses.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not chant in public.