Gatlakkinjan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, prudent meerkat.

Gatlakkinjan created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatlakkinjan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gatlakkinjan, he will turn you into a slug.

Gatlakkinjan's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Gatlakkinjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about whales.

2. Erect nine gold sculptures of Gatlakkinjan on top of important buildings.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Gatlakkinjan must be the most important thing in your life.