Lakcatdan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, annoying bird.

Lakcatdan created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lakcatdan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lakcatdan, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lakcatdan's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Lakcatdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

3. Never adorn your hands with mauve markings.

4. Retreat if four otters approach from the south.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing red skirts and balancing seven tin spheres on your arms.