Zaknuttlip is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, wise crane.

Zaknuttlip created the planet Venus eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zaknuttlip, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zaknuttlip, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Zaknuttlip's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Zaknuttlip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to tortoises while wearing tights.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics.

4. Worship no other gods but Zaknuttlip.

5. Erect a giant green sculpture of Zaknuttlip in the centre of the settlement.