Jonstikteen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, resourceful hedgehog.

Jonstikteen created time and space three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonstikteen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jonstikteen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jonstikteen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jonstikteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow capybaras to witness sacred rites.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Jonstikteen on top of all buildings.

3. Never feed lots of carrots to aardvarks while wearing gray scarves.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always wear plain hats during rituals.