Lamwadaf is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, proud fish.

Lamwadaf created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamwadaf, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamwadaf, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lamwadaf's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Lamwadaf's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.