Veenpigzog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, merciless squid.

Veenpigzog created water five million years ago.

If you believe in Veenpigzog, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Veenpigzog, he will not care.

Veenpigzog's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Veenpigzog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about dark matter.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Do not kill dogs.

5. Always stare at clouds.