Camtiptarg is a god.

He takes the form of a large, astonishing faun.

Camtiptarg created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Camtiptarg, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Camtiptarg, he will turn you into a rat.

Camtiptarg's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Camtiptarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick squirrels.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

4. Worship no other gods but Camtiptarg.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near shrews while wearing yellow stockings and balancing eight silicon spheres on your arms.