Kanlakpan is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, proud octopus.

Kanlakpan created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanlakpan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kanlakpan, it will strike you with lightening.

Kanlakpan's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Kanlakpan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always help sick doves.

4. Run away from mauve eagles, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed gooseberries to snails while wearing dresses.