Zassgonfeb is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, humane bear.

Zassgonfeb created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zassgonfeb, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zassgonfeb, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zassgonfeb's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Zassgonfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cucumbers.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.