Tofstanren is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unsympathetic fly.

Tofstanren created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofstanren, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofstanren, he will turn you into a tree.

Tofstanren's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Tofstanren's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about electromagnetism.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Always look after injured whales.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about goats.