Quartbimrilhim is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, grumpy salamander.

Quartbimrilhim created Mount Everest eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartbimrilhim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quartbimrilhim, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Quartbimrilhim's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quartbimrilhim's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in autumn.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Do not keep three turtles in a large pit.

5. Do not travel during summer.